Tuesday, August 31, 2010

'Torn Between Two Lovers' by Carl Weber

This book may be only 184 pages but it packs a wallop in the HOLY CRAP department! This is a continuation of the soap opera starring (lunatic) Loraine, (like a bullet) Leon, (maddened) Michael, and (I need Jesus) Jerome. I was surprised at how short this book was. It’s like he went ‘Project Runway” on us. Course, if I had to pick a supermodel to name this book after it would be Naomi Campbell; skinny and full of drama. I suggest reading ‘Big Girls Do Cry’ and ‘Something On The Side’ first because there is a TON of back story, and without it you’ll be lost as Mel Gibson is in a AAA meeting.

While a lot of authors are good at creating the drama, Carl excels at it. He writes it so well that you are past the point of shaking your head at the characters and well into the frothing at the mouth, cursing, saying “WTF”, realm. I won’t give you any spoilers, but we finally find out who Big Poppa is, and talk about “it” hitting the fan! E-mail me if you figured it out before Carl tells us… I didn’t. As with every Carl Weber book you have your “no, no, no, no, NO moments” as well as your “I need to grab my rabbit” moments. While being very sexual, this time it’s more implied and not as explicit.

Don’t worry though because Carl makes up for it. Usually there is one, maybe two disturbed characters in a story. Not with Carl. Uh-uh… they ALL crazy! And they seem to be trying to out-crazy each other. Love has made us all do crazy things, but… really? REALLY!? Don’t waste time trying to guess or figure out the outcome of anything in this book because you’ll fail, fail, fail. Carl Weber has the drama down to a science and his books are a lot of fun to read. I only hope one day I can be near a book club that is discussing one of his books cause I got stuff to get off my chest!


Thursday, August 26, 2010

'I'm With Fatty' by Edward Ugel

A few years ago I read ‘Money For Nothing’ written by this guy. As a self-professed hater of any and everything non-fiction I was surprised that I enjoyed that book so much. Since then I think I’ve read one non-fiction book. This one would make my first this year. And I did good again. In anyone else’s hands a book about losing weight… BBBOOOOOORRRIIINNGGG!! Seriously, if you can’t lose the weight quit blogging and reality-TV’ing it and move your fat gullet away from the damn table. Course I won’t say that to Ed because he’s kinda cool, it’s the rest of the losers I’m talking about. Any-who I started reading this book wondering how in the hell he could make weight loss interesting reading and finished thinking “damn”.

While this is mainly a book about weight loss, it’s also a LOT more. I found out how much more very early when I read that he had sleep apnea. Right then and there I felt sorry for his entire neighborhood. I have only had one experience with a friend who had sleep apnea and I tell you, I wanted to slice his skin off using a four year old razor dipped in iodine. I was about one divorce away from sending his wife an e-mail saying “hey baby, wanna come to California for a REAL night’s sleep”? Ed tells this story as a man who is going through some serious, serious pain but can’t help but be a smart ass. I don’t know if it was a coincidence that I started my swimming workout (after a 20 year absence) a few weeks before reading this book but I’m glad I did.

I loved how, through everything, he brings it back to family. Good man with a better family… and he knows it. Now me on the other hand, all I want to do is meet Margaux. I’m thinking of gaining weight and forcing sleep apnea just to get a glimpse of that sexy beast. But that’s just me. Ed gives us his diets (cashews Ed, cashews?), a colorful character named Skip (he’s second on my “need to meet list”), his daily workouts, the wearing of the mask, (Luke, I am your father), and his final weight loss tally. I still don’t get “BMI” but it makes me laugh a little every time I say it. A lot of bookstores (including mine) will put this in the ‘Biography’ section but it ought to go in ‘Inspiration’. Ed’s my boy and I couldn’t help BUT root for him as I was reading this book.

I’m the father of three, the youngest being a one-year old darling of a little girl. ‘Fatty’ struck a weird emotional chord with that special father/daughter relationship. Yes we want to please our wives and, of course, our sons. But there is something different when our daughters look at us and say certain things. Then it seems to become “real”. I’m telling you, give this book to anyone who is having a struggle with weight loss. Throw this book at someone if they have sleep apnea. Weight loss is personal and to put your struggle in a book and share it with the world takes a pair. I’d never do it. Not even if you paid me a million… (wait)… not even if you paid me half a million dollars.

Yeah, good job Ed. I can count on one hand the number of people that could have pulled this off. Really.


'Sex is Fun' by: Kidder Kaper

Wow! (that was the original end for this review but daddy Amazon doesn’t allow one word reviews so…) Double wow! The only thing that is more sexual than this book is the actual act itself. With two woman. With insatiable appetites and an overbearing need to please. Calling this a “graphic novel” of sex wouldn’t be too far off either, especially with all the pictures in this book. This is an all encompassing manual on EVERYTHING you need to know about sex. Except abstinence. If you want that then might I suggest you talk your priest or marry a prude. Don’t look for it here. And speaking of prudes, just skip this book. No wait… better yet BUY this book and make your life worth living. This is exactly what you need. (well, it’s the second thing you need). :-) You really can’t help but learn something as you read through this book. I was just flipping through it again and ran across the section on ice cream! Yeah… ice-freaking-cream!

This book does a great job of mixing the technical with the tongue-in-cheek. It explores everything from the basics of hygiene to anal play to dressing up to finding that “special” spot on men and women. And the pictures… man! So graphic, so detailed, so sexual, and so GOOD that you *almost* don’t need the words. I say *almost* because the information in this book is so precise that even I learned a few things. Not that I’m the guru of sex or anything but it’s nice to find out something new, and I found a new technique for massaging that I can’t wait to try out. Especially since it’s not WHERE I get to massage, but WHAT. This book also caters to every single sexual lifestyle you can think of. (sans the humping of dead people and horses). Single, couples, triples, and singles and couples with triples.

This isn’t a book that you should read in one sitting. It’s more of a guide to help you along. I had this book about a month or so before writing a review because I really wanted to take the time to check out everything this book has to offer. It give you places to take notes, blank drawings of human bodies so you can show your partner the best place to kiss, touch, lick, bite, rub, massage, and tickle. If your sex life doesn’t improve after reading this book you’ve either got 1. A really pathetic close-minded sex partner, or 2. YOU are the pathetic close-minded sex partner. Course, with as graphic as this book is IT could be your sex partner. I wouldn’t suggest it though… paper cuts hurt when you get them on your finger, imagine a paper cut (never mind).

I kept this book with me in my laptop bag because it was always nice to break away from the real world for a while as I read and stared at the pictures in this book. ‘Sex is Fun’ is the perfect title for this book because it shows you EXACTLY how to make it so. Now… it’s time to stop reading and reviewing and time to start experimenting. I’ll let you know how it goes. Oh, and If you find my corpse lying face down, smelling like Blue Nile massage oil, covered in whipped cream, with a grin rigor mortised to my face, please don’t cry. Take solace that I went away happy. Very happy.


Tuesday, August 17, 2010

'Tempted by Trouble' by Eric Jerome Dickey

"If you sell your soul to the devil, what’s to say the check won’t bounce"?

I usually hate when people compare authors, but damn if Eric Jerome Dickey isn’t racing toward the “Walter-Mosley-Atmosphere” of writing. Not sure if the term ‘intelligent-thriller’ has been coined or not; but either way Eric Jerome has it on lock! His books are a literary paradox; his writing is so clean that you can’t help BUT devour his work, unfortunately if you devour too fast you’ll miss the flavor. ‘Tempted by Trouble’ is another high adrenaline rush from the man who lives on the road.

Dmytryk is a man who is asked to sell his soul to the devil. Of course you would never think that the person that begs you to sell your soul to Satan would be an angel. His angel answers to a very common name. Wife. Our tax dollars have financed the salaries of the people who have orchestrated this recession, and Motor City is losing jobs like a Las Vegas stripper slowly loses her soul. If money is the root of all evil, Eddie Coyle is the bush that grows from that root. That would make Bishop and Jackie the rotten branches. Dmytryk would be the gardener trying to prune said bush while getting caught in the vines, and his angel-wife Cora would be the fertilizer.

The predominate question in this book is “how far would you go to protect/save what is yours”? The mental anguish Dmytryk goes would weaken even the strongest cerebral athlete. He’s down and out. He has no money. Eddie Coyle tells him that he can make easy money in two minutes. In the time it takes a minute man to put a smile on his face and a frown on his woman’s, Dmytryk can become recession proof. At least for a while. At least until the money runs out. Again. Two minutes and you could live your life like it’s golden for the next six months. Two minutes and your soul could dissolve into black forever.

As I was reading this book I was thinking how easy it would be to be a wheelman and make a few thousand just for driving. How much fun it would be to spend all that cash. What it would be like to waltz off a deserted island with a nineteen year old nymph. But you know what? I’m bet Dmytryk thought the exact same thing. I’m sure he didn’t factor in his wife doing the things she did because of that money. I’m sure he didn’t factor in becoming the bloody dispenser of pain to strangers. And I’m damn sure he didn’t factor being trapped in an M. Night Shyamalan black hole. While there are shockers throughout ‘Tempted by Trouble’, there is one you won’t see one coming.

Trust me, you won’t. I actually had to go back and re-read a few pages because I really thought I missed something. I did, but it wasn’t anything like I thought. Eric writes on a level that most people dream. Saying that his books are magnificent is just redundant. My admiration of this man goes beyond a fan’s infatuation. I’m a booklover who reads these books because Eric has that very, very rare gift of being able to tell a story and not just write a book. I relish the read, I take pleasure in the literary vacation, I hardly breathe on the thrill ride from cover to cover, and what’s more, it’s a necessity. I’m the junkie and he’s the dealer. (just call me Pooky)! And like most junkies, when I find something good I spread the word. So everyone, slap your forearm, find that vein, and O.D. on a drug called EJD.


Sunday, August 8, 2010

'The Hot Box' by Zane

The “hot box”; a baseball drill that can be played with three or more players and two to four bases, or… a title from today’s hottest erotic author. Talk about a double entendre! When you read a Zane book, you pretty much know what to expect. Sex. Drama. Sex. Humor. Sex. More drama. More humor. More sex. However, what makes Zane so special, is even though you know what you’re going to get, she can still surprise you with HOW you get it. I read this book with the same zeal that I read all of her books. I start and I seriously can’t stop until the last freaking page.

This book is aptly named because the people in this book take you hither and yon with all the mess they get into, create, and encourage. I sometimes get lost when there is such a dogfight mentality with the characters and plot, but again, Zane steers us as only a skilled literary navigator can and I didn’t get lost. Only hot. I would finish Zane’s books a lot faster if this woman wouldn’t give me so much to daydream with, DAMN!

This story centers around Milena, Lydia, Glenn, Phil, Yosef, and Jacour. Two women, four men that have more loin action going on than most Las Vegas brothels! No, I’m NOT joking! Milena has some very strong morals, so strong that she hasn’t let anyone near her morals for eight years (yeah you heard me right). The question is how far can she keep on playing “Chastity Clamp-it-shut” before someone comes along that makes her test those morals? You won’t believe what happens. Lydia is quite the little hoochie. She spends major time with the guys and really should open her very own chain of 24-hour Kegel fitness gyms.

Glen & Phil… *sigh*. What can I saw about these two? Like most of you, I had a mother who said, “if you can’t say something nice about someone don’t say nothing at all”. I’m sure Mama Frost meant REAL people, so Glen & Phil are fair game! (good). I’m a guy who loves women so I know firsthand the ”power” they possess and what we guys do to get a taste or feel of that “power”. But I mean COME ON fellas! I guess every story must have its fools right? Every one of these characters have redeeming qualities, they just get caught up. Zane comes strong with this one, but really… what else would you expect?

**On a personal note**
While reading an author’s work is in and of itself intimate because you get to read what came from their hands, their brain, their sweat; what Zane writes at the end of this book only makes me admire her even more. She breaks it down and gets really personal and real about some revelations she’s had, how she feels about writing erotica, and her candid feelings on some pretty timely topics. I don’t have to agree with them all to appreciate what a talent this woman is. I’ve always taken issues with people who say “ewww, she writes erotica”. Yeah, so? I’d bet money that most of these people haven’t even picked up a novel written by this woman, and I’m sure they have NO IDEA the careers she’s launched or how brilliant of an entrepreneur she is. I understand why she wrote what she did at the end, but she didn’t need to. Her success bitch slaps them all quiet.