Saturday, June 18, 2011

My dreams from the other night...

Last night I woke up from a pretty weird dream.  I told myself in 2011 I would take notes anytime I had a strange night time movie in my head, but yesterday was the first time.  Not sure why I did last night, not sure why I’m sharing it with you but here it is…
I was walking around my books store doing what I normally do and I saw a white couple in the kids section, and for some reason we were selling clothes.   They were sitting on the floor with a camera.  I didn’t think anything of it but then I noticed an old school network TV camera next to the guy.  ‘Strange’, I thought but I didn’t bother with it.  I continue my walk around the store as it’s almost time to close.  Anyone that has worked retail will tell you that 5 minutes before you close is when all the “hanger-outers” show up.  People who don’t want to spend any money but just come to waste your time.  So I make my rounds to let them know that it’s time to close.

This is when I notice that the doors won’t close, nor lock.  FUCK!  So I get the packing tape (yeah, I said tape) to lock them up.  They don’t so I head to the back for something else.  That’s when I notice the couple in the kids section acting weird and looking at me funny.  I go over there and the woman is buck ass naked!  Not a stitch of clothes on her!  I look around trying to figure out what to do next and I decided to do what most men would.  I dropped and started eating her pussy.  The camera is there but I don’t care.  All I know is that she has the best tasting pussy ever and it’s shaved the way I like it.  She apparently likes it because she does that back arch that women do when you’re licking that spot just right.  I add a few fingers to the party and she’s in pussy eating bliss.  For some reason I stop because I still knew that I had a store to close.  I told her to wait and I would be right back.

I go to the front and the store is still full so I start to get mean and say “get out, everyone get out”.  They thought I wanted to close and get home.  Nope, I wanted to close and get back to that pussy.  I see four black skater/BMX boys in the corner and I think “what the hell are they doing in here, this is a bookstore”?  Hehehehehehe! (oh shut up it’s a dream and a fucking joke).  They’re reading magazines and when I tell them to get out they do that “who does he think he is mumble” as they walk out the store.  I close the doors and… wake up.  I post a “what the hell kinda dream was that” on FaceBook and proceed to fall back to sleep.  Oh, the couple in the kids section was gone (of course) so I try to think about me eating that woman’s pussy to fall back to sleep.  Not sure what this dream is supposed to mean… maybe I’ll ask Electa.

I fall back to sleep…

For me, a two dream night is rare but my mind must have been in one of them “how can I fuck with him this time”? moods.  This time I’m at a playground in the middle of The Field of Dreams and I’m looking up at an 18-20 foot concrete pillar.  I want to say totem pole but there was no totem.  I proceed to take my stupid ass up this pole using only my legs and arms.  I get to the top and sit.  Just sit.  People pass and don’t look up because I guess for them, seeing a black man sitting on top of a 18-20 foot concrete pole is somehow normal.  I sit there until dusk until this kid walks up and ask me how I’m going to get down.  Huh?  How the fuck should I know dumbass!?  He leaves and I wonder how I’m going to get down.  This is where it gets foggy, I don’t remember if I jump or climb back down.  Either way I get down and wake up.

I might have to start writing down my dreams from now on.  Or not.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

'33 A.D.' by David McAfee

This book was GOOD!  But no matter how I try and word it I can’t get over how crazy the premise is.  “Vampires put a hit out on Jesus”.  No, really.  (see, that’s what I mean).  As cheesy as that sounds, that’s what it is.  Of course there’s more to this story than that, but still.  This story takes place the last few days of Jesus’ time on earth.  He’s the “young messiah” that is getting on the vampire’s last damn nerves and he has to go.  The Council of 13 vampires has picked a 900 year old vampire assassin to do the job and this fool thinks it will be an easy job… aw man.

We all know the story of the crucifixion, but one of the fascinating things is how David fits the usual gang of characters into a truly unique story.  Judas is pictured as a punk and Pilate is the classical “I’m going to wash my hands of this” Prefect.  But one of the scenes in this book that still stands out is the conversation between Jesus and Theron.  Don’t worry I won’t spoil it, but it was… chilling. 

David weaves pretty good back stories in here as well.  The unlawful love between Mary and the Roman soldier.  The disgusting “lost ones”.  They prove there are fates worse than death.  The interesting history of these particular vampires and how even in the vampire world, politics rule.  As you read this story you wonder, with the inclusions of the vampires, will the events leading up the death of Jesus change.  At least I did.  The historical events are still there it’s just they now have another form of bloody evil to deal with. 

This vampire story will sate your thirst for blood, entertain you with an evil as old as mother earth herself, and pull you through the pages like joints on a rack.  Although the crucifixion is long past, I hope the telling of this story isn’t.


'Go The Fuck To Sleep' by Adam Mansbach

First: believe the hype.  Every.  Single.  Bit.  When the buzz started on this book I just took it in stride.  I’m around books all day and I can’t tell you the number of rep. e-mails I get saying that this book is “the one”.  Like they some literary version of Neo.  Can’t tell you the number of book blogs I read that gush over some obscure indie title.  Can’t tell you the number of tweets I read that inform me that I need to “broaden my horizons” and read this tome.  I hear it all day, every day and as most parents will tell you (the ones that are being honest), you have to tune out the excessive noise. 


somehow, the buzz came through on this one.  Aside from the title that jumps out and grabs you by the throat, what was it about this book?  Let me tell you… it’s EVERYTHING about this book!  Then when I heard that Samuel L. Jackson did the audio version, it was like winning the lottery… twice.  In one I get a phat check every year for twenty-six years, and the other I get a phat Jeep Rubicon every year for twenty-six years.  

This book is truly everything that you would expect from this book.  Funny as hell.  Bawdy as hell.  Rude as hell.  Controversial as hell.  Raising hell.  And WTF hell!?!  Some of the greatest inventions have been the ones that make us say “I’ve thought of that”.  This is such an invention (if you will).  Most parents (again, the ones that are being honest) have thought this.  A LOT!  I would venture that most of them are fathers that want their child to “GTFTS” so that they can get some.  Popcorn is good but nothing when compared to… well you know.  

You need to buy this book…twice.  Once for you to read to your kids and then again so you can have Sam Jackson read it to you.  How they got Sam I don’t know but if ever there was a perfect voice/personality for this book, then Sam is it.  “GTFTS” is not for everyone.  Don’t be offended, be amused.


Thursday, June 9, 2011

'Anna J Presents (Erotic Snap Shots)' by: Anna J., M.T. Pope, Charm, and Jewelze

Anna J. is a wonderful author so I wanted to see how she was at picking authors.  She didn’t do a bad job.  The first story, ‘My Man for a Minute’, was my hands down favorite!  I had to go back and re-read a few times because I thought I missed something.  I did.  And I bet you will too.  Let’s just set aside the body quivering sex for a minute, I sincerely marveled at how something so erotically in the open could be so… hidden.  BIG props to M.T. Pope for that story!

My other favorite was ‘Super Market Sweep’.  My first job was at a grocery store bagging groceries but I NEVER had customers like this brotha’.  And even if I did I doubt I would be bold enough to do that with a Popsicle.  ‘Lustful Violation’ added to this short sexual escapade and ‘Naked Masquerade’ added a bit of S&M flava.  These stories are very short but sexual enough to cause your body to take a mental sexual vacation for a while.  Unfortunately, this book like most vacations end too quickly.  But it was fun while it lasted.


Wednesday, June 8, 2011

'Roma Victrix' by Russell Whitfield

When I last left Lysandra she was sweating, panting, and covered in grime from the arena after her deadly gladiatorial fight with Sorina.  When we meet up again in ‘Roma Victrix’ I had to hold my nose because of the stench of alcohol.  What happened to the lithe, strong warrior who spilled the blood of others on the sand?  What happened to the insufferable arrogance of this Spartan princess?  (actually… that hasn’t changed).  Where is my taut bare breasted champion?  Well… she was there, but it was usually as Dionysys bedmate.  Lucky bastard.  

Lysandra’s fall from grace is shocking but is needed to make the coming glory that much sweeter.  Maybe.  Russell takes us back to Rome, back to the ludus, back to the practice sands, and back to the realistic fantasy of the woman gladiator.  Despite Lysandra’s current wine induced stupor she has carved out an almost Herculean status on the arena sands, and the Roman Emperor has requested that she fights one more match against Illeana, the Gladiatrix Prima.  Illeana is equal to Lysandra in almost every way.  Deadly.  Sexy.  Brutal.  Confident.  The meeting of these two women is the driving force to this book, but it’s not the only one.  

Sorina pops back in to say hello and Tribune Valerian has the unlucky fortune to meet her and her Amazon-like warriors in battle.  What ensues embarrasses Rome and Valerian both.  Poor Valerian.  He will suffer and Russell proves that the brutality and savagery that made me cringe and fall in love with ‘Gladiatrix’, will not be absent in this book.  You know the saying “all roads lead to Rome”?  That’s a good analogy for what is going on in ‘Roma Victrix’.  A good author can tell story.  A VERY good author can tell a story within in a story and Russell tells about four.  Lysandra battles the wineskin and joins a twelve-slash program (get it… twelve step/twelve slash?  Get it? Get it?  Oh shut up), accepts the invitation to fight, moves away from her home, and begins an intense, and I mean INTENSE, training regimen.  Valerian is suffering through his own hell as Rome has turned her back and meted out her own punishment on him.  Compared to the whim of the gods, Greek comedies are a joke.  Rome is planning revenge (war) and their planned method is… cold.  Pure, 100% without affection, Roman savagery.  

Everything comes to a head when Lysandra and Illeana meet and the paring is exactly what you would expect.  A match truly for the gods and we mortals are only eaves-watching.  I actually got chills as I was reading it because it was extremely well written and waaaaaay to suspenseful.  Want to really enjoy the fight scene?  Throw on ‘Assassin’s Creed 2’ soundtrack.  This was my soundtrack of choice as I was reading this book and it was like the wine to a good meal.  Anyway, back on topic… reading about these two half-naked warrior women fighting in the Coliseum, in front of 50,000 blood thirsty Romans, hacking, slashing, bleeding, bouncing, primal screaming… I was ready for it.  What I WASN’T ready for was the end.  What the hell!?!  Your dad could be Nostradamus and your mom could be Isis and you’ll STILL not see that coming. 
One of the things I also liked was that Russell kept with the “same” formula as his last book.  Meaning the brutality, the sexuality, and the unapologetic violence did not change.  He got a lot of flak for having so much of that in his first book and instead of listening to those people (most of whom DIDN’T read the book) he kept with what made his last book such a pleasure.  If you read ‘Gladiatrix’ you will want/NEED to read ‘Roma Victrix’.  

Russ is one of those authors who take great pride in his work and it really does show.  His two books are the types of stories that take and transport you but he also has a virtual word that is almost as fascinating.  Want to see what Lysandra looks like?  What about Illeana?  Want to be like me and drool over barely-there clothing?  Then join the experience and go as far Russ’s imagination.  Check out the numerous websites and links on his site.  OK… I’ve said too much… but I could easily say plenty more.  Vale’!


Sites to check out: