Friday, April 27, 2012

'Red, White, and Blood' by Christopher Farnsworth

OK… this is my third Chris Farnsworth book and I’m getting sick and tired of saying the same damn things over and over and over again.  “This book is awesome”.  “This book is a bloody-thriller”.  “This book is great storytelling”.  “Case is one bad, shut yo’ mouth”.  So since I can’t say that, I need something else…

How about… “this series is so good that I will bribe, kill, murder, and steal to get an early copy”.  No?  How about… “Reading about Cade is worth the one year gap this lazy author takes between books”?  Too insulting?  How about… “The mix of vampire folklore and real American history is better than the mix that created Zoe Saldana”?  Too cheesy?  OK, OK, OK… one more… “the serial killer in this book is a man… (oops, sorry Cade) an IT after my own heart”?  However you take it, however you read it, one thing is for certain… YOU WILL READ IT!

I often wonder what goes on in the minds of writers.  That being said I’m 100% sure that I do not want to know that “special place” Chris goes to get his ideas.  The time honored joke for guys (including this one here) is “if I have to die I’d want to die while having sex”.  I think my mind might have changed slightly after reading ‘Red, White, and Blood’.  (But only slightly mind you).  Being between the pages of a book is good, the other is still much, much, much better!

N-E Way… in this third book in this ‘President’s Vampire’ series we find Cade battling a creature that he can’t seem to beat.  Not only is this his current nightmare, but was also the nightmare of almost everyone of us as child.  The Boogeyman.  But even back in the day I don’t think our Boogeyman was nearly as sinister as this Boogeyman. 

Chris takes a very unique, and quite frankly, ingenious take on what makes a serial killer a serial killer.  Or rather WHO makes a serial killer a serial killer.  Serial killers usually kill their own kind.  Apparently this killer was horny.  Very horny.  Be warned humans in heat, your quickie just might be your lastie. (Yes I’m quite aware that isn’t a word).  But a serial killer hunting orgasm seekers is only a small part in the Farnsworth Family storybook jambalaya.

The Boogeyman’s goal is to kill Cade.  But in order to do that he has to set-up the President!  Now… did you hear me?  how bad of a mofo do you have to be that your nemesis has to go after you by setting up the President of the freaking United States!?  Geez!!  Chris is tha’ man when it comes to setting the pace but where he really shines is in mixing the founding history of this amazing country with vampire lore and current history.  Oh he changes the names of the politicians to protect the “never-so-innocent”, but it’s fun to throw in the names that we think they are. 

Sorry… I keep getting off track…

 you’ll just have to read about this version of the Boogeyman to see what I’m talking about.  Chris keeps with the violence and gore which is par for the course when talking about a one-hundred and forty year old vampire.  Speaking of vampire… there was a part in here where I just got SICK of Cade.  Usually I’m on this freaks side but something happens (no spoilers coming, I promise) in this book that made me look at Cade in a different light.  A light that I didn’t like.  All I’m going to say is that “Cade, you’re a vampire brother… act like it!”  I don’t need my vampire protector going Immanuel Kant on me.  Seriously.  I’ve had it up to my sexy bald caramel scalp with vampires who don’t know how to be a damn vampire!  Get with it Cade or you’re gonna have to answer to me. (HA!  Even I had to laugh at that one).

‘Red, White, and Blood’ continues my streak of exceptional books read in April.  For the past two years the month of April has produced the book that I end up choosing as my favorite book of the year.  With a new one from Eric Jerome Dickey (check), John Grisham (check), Christopher Farnsworth (check), and Stephen King (he’s up next) this April is proving the same. 

I strongly suggest you read this series in order.  ‘Blood Oath’ is the first, ‘The President’s Vampire’ is the second, and this one is the third.  Reading about the young Zach is entertaining but reading about early Cade is frikkin’ awesome!  A few years ago at the Los Angeles Festival of Books Chris was asked how far is he going to take this series.  His answer was something to the effect of “at least ten books”.  I can only pray that he does.  


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